Saturday, 30 November 2013

Feeling Useless : How to deal with it ? (intro)

It is heartbreaking to know that your friends prefer to talk to someone else than you 

It is very bitter  when your parents start comparing you with other people or with your almost-too-perfect siblings .

It is indeed so hard when your presence seems to bring no change to the crowd ,
and no one is actually listening to the words you said .

People might say that you are just being emotional . They say that there's nothing wrong , everything is normal , you are just over thinking and bla bla bla . 

But they never knew . They never felt what you are feeling at the moment .
They think that nothing has changed . Everything is still the same . It is you who changed .

and the blame comes back to you .

And now you started to agree with them and join the forces to go against yourself .

You keep asking yourself why can't you be like other people ; enjoying their life to the max , being able to fit in perfectly in the crowd , appear gorgeous in every random dress .

You tried so hard to imitate them but you never succeed . It is always so awkward ; because you are not being yourself .

You totally hate yourself now, don't you ?

if you are feeling all of these shits then stay tuned to my next post .

but first listen to this . i hope it may cheer you up a lil bit before we start .

Friday, 29 November 2013

Plain post .

I woke up to the sound of my alarm this morning .
Not knowing what to do , i crawled back to bed and slept after performing my Subuh prayer .

"rezeki payah nak masuk la kalau tidur lepas subuh cenggini"

My sister reminded me every now and then .
Kadang-kadang tu aku tak jadi tidur but today i slept anyway .

and so i woke up for the second time today .

My family went to the market like phew i wanted to go but they are all ready to go and they say they will wait for me but i don't like to keep people waiting and don't like to rush so bye bye i'll stay at home drinking coffee .

I looked up to the morning sky .

Greyish . Gloomy . Rainy .

I love this kind of weather somehow .
it makes me feel that i am somewhere in cold region countries .

New Zealand , Australia , UK .. except for there is no mat saleh walking down the street .

i've never travelled to overseas before .
mungkin bukan rezeki lagi .

and maybe it is not the right time yet .

oklah I'm gonna stop writing and do something else .. like yawning maybe ?


and Just a reward for your willingness to read this post till the end although i have stated that this is a Plain Post ..

go visit this website : :]

they got some interesting post and of course they are all better that mine . 


I end my piece with a wide yawn .

SPM has ended : Yeay or Nayy ?

Gosh .

SPM has ended so no more school , right ? Like seriously ? 

No more morning alarm . No more school uniform's ironing routine . No more homeworks ?

Pheww how relieving was that !!

But guess what , none of that make my heart contented to the max .
I was pleased with all the sudden freedom but it's empty inside .
It's seems that something is missing out but i don't know what is it .

Hard to explain , hard to express .

I think i've changed since school ended . I like being alone now . Talking to myself more than i've talked to people . Bad mood all the time like never ending PMS .  Get exhausted every now and then . Easily offended by people's words and actions .

So there's no big deal if i say i am actually glad to know the fact that i'll be having another one final paper before i complete my journey at high school .


okay I'm done here . 
there's no point typing if there is no one understand my words .

i ended my piece with a nayy .