Friday, 24 October 2014

Hang takpala Hang pandai

They think I'm that brilliant kid
who needs no hardwork
to score good scores

They think I'm that brilliant kid
who needs no struggle
to get to where I am now

They think I'm that brilliant 


Don't they realize
The way they say things
As if they were saying

That a bird needs no flapping wings
to fly up high in the sky

That a fish needs no moving fins
to swim deeper into the sea

That a worm needs no working muscles
to dig through the hard soil

Don't they know
I too have to go through hardships
I too have my own darkest hours

There's one time
I completely blurred out
Nothing in the lectures seems 
to be something that I understood

I ask around
I read through the lecture notes
again and again

again and again too
I end up crying the whole night

disappointed with my own self
for not being able to understand
what others can simply understood

I almost give up

I almost pick up that phone
and say 'mom I can't do this'

But every time my mom asks
'How was thing goin'

.Yeah everything is fine.
.Still adapting.
.But I'm good.

 [hang up]

This lasted for several weeks
WEEKS I tell yah

And I almost believe that I'm an idiot

I feel useless
I feel helpless
I feel hopeless

I taught these feelings were endless
but I was wrong because

It was wrong to say that it will keep on raining once it started raining

What begins will soon ends
and what has ended will soon has 
a new beginning

You just Have To Wait
with sabr

I've waited and
i found the ending to my sorrow

once I turn back to the One and Only,

the one who can give whatever you want 
and takes away whatever you have

The one who hears you
when no one else care to listen

The one who understands you
more than you understand yourself

the one behinds your sorrow
the reason for your happiness

'Indeed Allah is sufficient for us'

yes Allah alone is enough for me
so I pray for strength
and I get back on track

So they think I'm that brilliant huh?
Indeed I'm no one without Allah


Instead of saying to others
'Hang takpala hang pandai'
(Good for you that you're brilliant)

What about saying
'Takpa aku ada Allah'
(Everything's good cause I have Allah)

to yourself

Monday, 6 October 2014

My Journey [part one]

i pray to Allah to bring me to place where i can learn more , become a better person .
Increased in faith and knowledge .
increased in my love for Him and His Prophet p.b.u.h .

because i came to realized that 
studying at a good place not necessarily build a better you
it might what our hearts desire for
but it is not what we actually need 

i got an offer to go for the UM interview 
i got an offer to study abroad under MARA
and i got an offer from UITM Puncak Alam 
for my foundation study

i pray i sit and i think
list out all the pros and conts for each of these options i have
i pray i sit and i think 
i cancelled out one which is the UM interview
i pray i sit and i think
Studying abroad or asasi in Puncak Alam

hardest decision so far

my heart inclined more to Puncak Alam 
i don't know why 
it just did

but i know deep inside
Allah is answering my prayers

Many people objected
Many people questioned 
Many people asked me to think about it again

Some says its a good choice 
for they think i will not be able to handle life alone abroad
they say that I'm not like my sister 

i hate people who judges me before knowing
what am i really capable of doing
and the comparison they made
between me and my sister
makes my heart burn 
burn to ashes

i might be the youngest child in the family 
but that doesn't make me a wimp
i can handle my life inshaAllah
abroad or local
i can

i was about to take up the challenge
and choose the MARA offer
for i want to show them
that i can do it

but i stopped
i pray i sit i think

finally i heard a soft whisper 

theres no need to please the people
theres no need to gamble your future just to fulfill the vessel with holes
where you pour in water
and the vessel stays empty

i know my strength and weaknesses
i know the fact that i might not be able to survive MARA 
the foundation program is too hard for me
and I'm afraid i can't fly 

Say I'm weak
Say I'm a coward

i don't care
because i know i'll grow stronger
i'll get braver

i just need a perfect kick start

with bismillah i declined the MARA offer
and choose puncak alam instead

my family has no problem with my choice
they respect my opinions and my stands
they even support me

then i pray again
i pray for Allah to make this path the best one for me

regardless what people say
regardless what people think
I've made my decision