He Came Back .

I woke up early this morning like always but i don't know why am I so excited today .
Feeling excited and motivated for no reason .

But i feel good taanananana *ntv7 theme song*
Weirdo .

And suddenly i heard someone was calling my mom from the front gate .
I peeped through the window .

'Oh orang astro nak buat promotion lah tu'
I monologued .

And indeed I was right . He was promoting something about you know 'pakej pemasangan channel apa tah' and bla bla bla i don't care because there's other thing that bothers me .

I knew this guy . But is it him ? It's him ?
But .. he .. but .. no ..

"rumah saya dekat situ ja (pointing his finger to some houses nearby)"
 i heard him say that to my mother and without any doubt … i knew it's him !

*sekadar gambar hiasan*

Tan . His name is Tan . I can't remember his full name but I still remember calling him Tan .
And yes he is a chinese boy .

want to know how i met this guy ?

Dulu kami naik van yang sama since rumah pun dekat ja . Masa form 2 maybe .
Can't remember well .

Memandangkan aku dulu 'taiko-besaq-dalam-van-nak-habaq-kat-hampa' so dengan peramahnya tanya dia nama apa .

He looked at me then he looked away .
and i was like ...

Berani kau !!!

nasib baik makcik van kata Tan ni sebenarnya tak berapa faham bahasa Melayu .
Dulu Tan tinggal dengan nenek dia and 24hours cakap mandarin .
And so dia cuma faham basic BM .

Aku pantang orang camni memang alamatnya kena nyakat dengan aku la .
But i'm not that gedik or gatai merla . I just love to be playful and crazy .

and so aku dengan gigihnya nak buat dia cakap melayu .
Every single day time balik sekolah aku akan suruh dia cakap melayu .
Aku cakap dengan dia eventho he never replied dengan harapan dapat improve bm mamat nih .
akulah sang pejuang bahasa tanah air ~

Bukan aku seorang , in fact semua orang dalam van suka kacau Tan .
Lagi-lagi kakak-kakak senior .

haha tak la . The truth is semua orang senang dengan Tan and suka ngusik dia .

Satu hari masa van nak pi ambik dia time balik sekolah aku nampak dia bukan main lagi sembang POM PANG POM PANG dengan kawan-kawan dia . Tapi bila dia nampak van and makhluk-makhluk riang kat dalam van tu dia terus buat-buat senyap and buat muka sekupang dia atas van .

and we were like ..

apa masalah kau 

Oh so you wanna play games ? Bring it on man ! Semua orang cakap dengan kau , kau buat muka Mr. Arrogant . Kau cakap Melayu dengan makcik van okay je aku tengok . Tapi dengan kami semua kau buat-buat macam tak faham .

And so aku beletiaq and 'give him a stare' dalam van dengan muka bengis . He knew that i was staring him and so he didn't dare to turn his head around . Dia duduk diam ja . Tak berani bergerak pun . Cuma tengok luar tingkap ja . Kesianlah pulak and so 

And you know what … after i gave up on my stare . He turned his head and stares back !

Aku tak perasan sampailah aku tengok Azween dok gelak . I turned to Tan and caught him staring back !

And the moment i looked at him , he looked away ! Damn it .

Hahaha lawak pulak teringat time tu . Rupanya si Tan tu jenis yang playful jugak . Tapi dia macam tu je lah , tak cakap apa sangat pun dengan kami tapi makin lama dia ada bagi response la jugak . Not with words of course but with his smiles . Dia senyum ja kalau cakap apa-apa kat dia . Aku buli suruh dia bukak pintu van kat aku dia tolong bukak .  Orang tarik beg dia peluk beg kuat-kuat . And dah jadi rutin harian para penghuni van untuk mengusik Tan . 

But one day , Tan tak naik van . 

Makcik kata dia dah tak sekolah kat situ . And from that day onward , tak nampak pun bayang dia kat rumah tu . Cuma nampak mak dia and adik-adik dia ja . 

Everyone on the van felt extremely sad at that time . Aku ? Biasa ja . 

hahaha tahan macho .

I never thought that i would see him again until he showed up this morning .

Handsome than before hahaha and guess what ?

Tan sangat fasih berbahasa Melayu .

But please , don't expect me to go and say hi to him . 

Just let Tan stays in my past memories .

As my van buddy .

and that's it .

But i'm glad . Because he …

He Came Back :)

The Struggle Of Being An Introvert

Maybe that was too dramatic for a title but yeah whatever .

It all started when i've heard some people labeling other people as an 'introvert' or 'extrovert' . Seriously , i don't even know what does 'introvert' means . I thought that it must be something related to the word 'pervert' or 'convert' or 'advert' but clearly i was wrong ! So thanks to Mr Google and my extreme sense of curiosity , i finally knew what it really means !

my feeling at that time

and i finally knew that i'm an introvert myself .

well clearly i didn't expect that

Knowing whether you are an introvert or extrovert or ambivert will surely helps you to understand yourself better .

Before , i felt so useless . Abnormal . Freak . Anti-social . Woe .

Having a family of extroverts literally make things worse . I can't figure out what is wrong with me and why am i being so different from others .

-I hate small talk .

-I monologue most of the time .

-I really enjoy being alone in my room reading a book or surfing the internet or just lay there listening to music .

-I prefer being quiet . Listens attentively to others without giving any response . Just sit there .

-Watch and Listen .

-Having a deep thought on something is absolutely my cup of tea .

-hate being at crowded places . It makes my head ache . Dizziness overload .

-I love to eat *not related*

-I don't like people to disturb me when i'm trying to relax myself and be alone .
and i super hate that .

-easily offended with insult from others

-prefer to do things on my own and once again .. do things alone .

-But I love spending time with my friends and my family .

-I love having phone calls with my friends but i must be the one who calls them .

and yeah after i knew that i'm an introvert , everything makes sense now .
i'm no longer feeling abnormal but i've started to understand myself even more.


and i ..

deal with my introversion like a boss

I'm glad being different from others and thankful that i'm not the only introvert ever exist in this massive universe !!

And the only struggle of being an introvert is the struggle to love and accept yourself just the way it is .

Learn to tolerate with others and everything should be fine InshaAllah :)

p/s : introversion does not occur all the time . I sometimes love to be crazy and loud but at other time when introversion overload , you'll just have to leave me alone . Got it ?

adíos

untitled

Bismillah . In the name of Allah .

It has been a while since the last time i've posted something on this blog .
Ran out of ideas ? Yeah obviously .
I can't even figure out a suitable title for this post ! *cries*

alolo

There's too much things playing in my mind lately (kinda)
Monologues flow almost continuously on my mind but i just can't let the words out .
Maybe words aren't my thing after all *sigh*

So did i gave up on this blog ?
Maybe yeah maybe no .
i'll leave it just the way it is here until there's something i have in mind to share to you guys .
*IF i have one*

And well if you guys have anything to ask me about (advice , life , or some random thingy ) just tweet me at @athirahmonsta or just leave your comments here so that i'll have at least some ideas on what to write next .

or you can follow some awesome channels on Youtube for some cool Islamic Reminders and short lectures at

+The Daily Reminder
+TheMercifulServant
+Cocombee
+SoldierOfAllah2 .

see you next time inshaAllah !
assalamualaikum ! :D

Solatku Dah Ok Ke ?

In the Name of Allah , The Most Merciful and The Most Compassionate .

Assalamualaikum readers yang dikasihi . Terima kasih kerana sudi singgah di Blog Panda Ketinggalan Zaman ini meskipun post-post yang di-publishkan di sini agak hambar penyampaiannya , kurang humour lawak jenakanya  dan terlalu puitis pula bahasanya . Lulz .

Apa-apapun semoga bermanfaat isi kandungannya .

Ok moh kita berbalik kepada topik utama 

As-Salah

Kita diajar untuk menunaikan solat dengan cara yang betul ketika di sekolah rendah . Apabila baligh , kita diberitahu bahawa solat itu wajib dilaksanakan . Apabila di sekolah menengah , kita mula didedahkan dengan solat-solat sunat yang lain untuk diamalkan . Sebagai anak yang lahir dalam keluarga Islam , kita pun menurut pesan orang tua . Dilaksanakan solat lima waktu sehari semalam .

Alhamdulillah . Itu mungkin nasib sebahagian dari kita . Yang diberi peluang untuk belajar mengenai solat dan diberi taufik serta hidayah untuk terus melaksanakannya . Tapi bagaimana dengan sebahagian yang lain ?

Yang lahir dalam Keluarga Islam yang tidak pernah solat ? Yang lahir dalam keluarga Islam yang hanya berpuasa di bulan Ramadhan kerana orang lain majoritinya berpuasa ? Yang lahir dalam keluarga Islam yang sekadar menyambut Hari Raya Aidilfitri tetapi tidak tahu cara menunaikan  solat?

Bukan menghina tetapi niat di hati ingin memberitahu realiti . Agar kita lebih tahu bersyukur .

Dan kepada yang tidak pernah meninggalkan solat , tahniah diucapkan . Tetapi harus ditanyakan juga , bagaimana solat anda ?

Adakah solatmu di awal waktu atau ‘tunggu selepas habis drama itu’ ?

Adakah solatmu sekadar yang wajib sahaja , yang sunat itu ‘ahh tak buat pun takpa’ ?

Adakah solatmu dibuat terburu-buru dan terlalu laju mengalahkan kuasa enjin Lamborghini ?

Adakah solatmu itu benar-benar khusyuk mengingati Sang Pencipta atau hal-hal dunia ?

Adakah pada mulanya membaca Surah Al-Fatihah tetapi bila penghujung bacaannya bunyi 

seperti doa iftitah ?

Ingat , Syaitan itu sudah bersumpah ingin menyesatkan umat manusia . Dan bagaimana cara yang paling mudah untuk melakukannya ? Dengan melalaikan manusia dalam perihal solatnya.

Analogi termudah , cuba bayangkan seorang penjahat ingin mencuri sesuatu yang berharga di dalam sebuah rumah agam yang dikawal oleh seorang pengawal keselamatan . Bagaimanakah cara yang termudah?

Menumpaskan pengawal keselamatan itu terlebih dahulu ? Ya betul !! Nah cekelat dua ketui . Hihi

And solat itu ibarat pengawal keselamatan dan penjahat itu sudah tentulah Syaitan Yang Direjam. Tetapi apa penjahat @ Syaitan itu mahukan ? Syaitan itu mahu mencuri harta yang paling bernilai dari manusia .

Iaitu peluang yang Allah berikan kepada kita untuk menjadi penghuni syurga Allah s.w.t

Syaitan menumpaskan pengawal keselamatan itu . Membuat kita bertangguh dalam solat . Hari pertama , kita solat Subuh di awal waktu . Hari kedua , syaitan berkata .. lagi 10 minit barulah  bangun . Terasa sedap bantal di kepala . Terasa empuk tilam itu secara tiba-tiba . Tanpa disedari , syaitan semakin ligat  bergayut-gayut di kelopak matanya , semakin seronok menemani tidurnya , dan semakin kuat memijak kepala kita agar kita tidak berganjak dari tempat tidur untuk menyambut seruan Illahi . Akhirnya solat subuh itu di-qada sahaja pada pukul 8 pagi . Atau ditinggal terus selamba hati . Astaghfirullah .

Bukan salah syaitan semata-mata . Tetapi salah diri yang terleka . Salah diri yang membuka ruang untuk syaitan bermaharajalela .

Apabila sudah tertumpas pengawal keselamatan itu …

Maka berparti sakanlah syaitan dalam rumah agam itu . Jika begitu mudah syaitan memujuk kita meninggalkan kewajipan yang paling utama , maka mudah jugalah dipujuk hati kita meninggalkan yang lainnya . Apabila sudah hilang perlindungan yang Allah kurniakan kepada kita melalui solat , maka mudahlah diri menjadi bahan bakar api neraka . Nauzubillahiminzalik !

So jangan terkejut tergempak terlopong ternganga apabila melihat seseorang yang bersolat tetapi masih tegar melakukan dosa .

 Dan jangan pula memandang rendah kepada golongan ini . 

doakan mereka dan muhasabah diri

And so tunggu apa lagi geng ? Moh kita perbaiki kualiti solat kita !!!

assalamualaikum

Coretan Untukmu Yang Bergelar Remaja Melayu

Aku kini kembali menulis coretan di Blog Panda Ketinggalan Zaman ini dalam Bahasa Melayu . Kerana apa ? Kerana aku ingin tujukan coretan ini kepada remaja-remaja Melayu di bumi ini .

Aku bukan manusia sempurna . Aku tidak alim . Banyak ilmu agama yang masih belum aku pelajari . Masih banyak sunnah Rasulullah s.a.w yang belum aku praktikkan . Masih banyak surah dalam kitab suci Al-Quran yang aku masih ingat ingat lupa . Tidak sempurna . Tidak alim . Itu aku .

Tapi aku sedih . Sedih tatkala melihat masih ramai remaja-remaja Melayu di luar sana : sama ada yang lebih muda , sebaya atau lebih senior dari diri ini masih belum mengenal  erti hidup sebagai seorang Islam  .

Hanya kenal Allah sekadar nama . Hanya kenal Nabi Muhammad s.a.w  sekadar nabi yang terakhir dalam Islam . Hanya mengaku Islam sekadar di bibir . Itupun kerana dilahirkan dalam keluarga Islam . Kerana status agama yang direkodkan dalam kad pengenalannya ialah Islam . Hanya solat sekadar “at least aku dah buat” sahaja . Atau lebih menyedihkan , solatnya itu sekadar “hahh tak payah buat pun takpa” . Astaghfirullah .

Aku bersyukur . Bersyukur kerana Allah S.W.T memberikan taufik serta hidayahNya kepada diriku yang hina ini . Membuka mata hatiku untuk lebih mengenali Penciptaku . Sedangkan dahulu aku seperti remaja-remaja itu . Dahulu aku pun begitu . Tidak mengenali erti hidup sebagai seorang Islam . Bersolat sekadar pergerakan anggota badan dan bacaan-bacaan dalam Bahasa Arab yang ku hafal tanpa memahami . Itu sahaja . Noktah .

Seperti remaja-remaja itu , aku leka . Leka dengan dunia . Leka dengan cinta monyet yang sementara . Leka dengan hiburan semata-mata . Ada yang bilang , beramal sebelum terlambat . Sebelum maut datang menjemput . Aku tahu mati itu pasti . Aku tahu aku akan keseorangan dalam kuburku . Aku tahu bahawa manusia yang baik akan ke syurga , yang jahat pula disiksa di neraka . Aku tahu semua itu . Ustaz dan Ustazah di sekolah selalu beritahu . Ibu bapa aku selalu berpesan padaku . Aku tahu . Tapi apa yang aku tak tahu pada waktu itu ialah hidup sebagai seorang Islam sekadar  ‘aku tahu’ sahaja tidak cukup .

Allah itu indah . Islam itu indah .

Itu hakikat yang aku abaikan . Kerana bagi aku dunia ini indah . Dunia ini segala-galanya . Tapi aku lupa , sepertimana lupanya remaja-remaja itu , bahawa keindahan dunia ini sementara .

Segala yang aku cintakan , agungkan , dan banggakan mengenai dunia ini tidak kekal . Semakin aku cinta , agungkan dan banggakan , semakin aku sakit . Semakin aku rasakan kekosongan di hati . Semakin aku rasa tidak puas . Kerana apa ?

Kerana dunia ini seperti air laut yang masin , semakin diteguk semakin menjadi-jadi dahaga di tekak ini .

Aku menulis coretan ini bukan untuk membuka aib sendiri . Jauh sekali untuk menghina orang lain . Aku menulis coretan ini untuk memberitahu bahawa hidayah Allah itu ada . Bahawa Allah itu Maha Pengasih Maha Penyayang . Bahawa Islam itu bukan penuh dengan larangan semata-mata Islam itu terlalu indah kerana ianya anugerah daripada Tuhan Yang Maha Indah .

Hidup ini ada tujuan . Carilah tujuan itu . Berpeganglah kepada tujuan itu . Carilah Allah . Kenalilah Penciptamu . Belajarlah mengenai Islam . Fahamilah ajarannya .

Aku jamin dengan jamin yang sesungguhnya .

Your heart will never  find despair once you found Allah .

Assalamualaikum

The Unnoticed Killer

It is normal for a human being like us to have desires and cravings . 

It makes a human Human .

But it is important to have a good control over your desires .

Because extreme desires do kill . That's the fact .

" Sara was having her morning coffee when her oceanic blue eyes got caught up with the ads published on the television . It is the latest product from Apple . The iPhone 5s - designed for the colorful. The ads was so captivating that Sara's body became so static in her seat , staring at the screen . Despite the stiffness of her body , her brain was somehow straining so hard ; recalculating her money and organizing her current financial . "I wanna be a billionaire so freaking bad" . Sara , shocked by the sudden ringing of her phone , quickly stood up and reached out for her vibrating iPhone 4 on the coffee table . It was Douglas the landlord , probably calling Sara to remind her about the-two-months-unpaid-house-rent . Being able to predict what Douglas would say , Sara declined the call . She let out a heavy sigh . As a fanatic fan of Apple products herself , the released of the latest iPhone is so unbearable especially after she had to ignore all the ads about iPhone 5 when it was first released due to her never-ending financial problems. She stared blankly at her iPhone 4 . "Maybe the time has come for me to trade in this phone for a new iPhone" . Sara finally made her decision after a long moment of silence . Her conscious mind tell her not to but her desire  is really good at convincing her naive heart . Sara then put on her trench coat , grabbed her handbag , reached out for her credit cards and off she went , walking anxiously under her transparent umbrella "

What do you think happen to Sara next ?

I don't precisely know about that , but i bet you .. it's gonna be Bad .

I wrote this short story just to give you all an overview about what is it like when your desires take control of yourself .

Your brain can no longer differentiate between what you really need and what you really want .

Your brain is now set to force yourself into buying everything that you LIKE without thinking about the consequences .

Absent-mindedly torturing yourself . 

Became extremely frustrated especially when you are unable to buy that 'everything'.

Take a moment to ask yourself .

Do you feel permanently contented after buying the things your desire forced you to ?

Do you think Sara is still having the same excited feeling of owning an iPhone 4 like when she first bought the phone ? 

If your answer is a 'no' then I assume that you understand the simple nature of a human .

Human like us can hardly feel permanently contented with something .

That is why some of us always in search of ways to improve our life .

a desire to get a better life .

We invent new technologies , machines and products .

Intensively generating brilliant ideas.

And that is one good way of using your desires .

My advice is .. 

Try to be grateful with what you already have in this life . I truly understand what is it like to see your friends buying wonderful stuffs for themselves , but if you are not capable of buying those things as well , do tell yourself that it is OKAY . Believe me that there's a lot of people out there who are hoping to live the life like yours . 

try to earn money on your own or start saving if you feel like buying something .

never burden others especially your parents just to fulfill your desires . 

And of course , you can always feel free to buy awesome things for yourself because sometimes it makes us feel better and stress-free 

but don't let yourself be killed by the unnoticed killer .

I end my piece with a psychotic smile . 

lol

Goodbye

Saying goodbye is indeed one of the hardest struggles in my life .

But I've said goodbye too many times before .

Too much of it until there's no struggle needed for me to say it again .

Because i came to realize that life is like an empty box .

As we live our life day by day , the empty box starts to fill itself . 

With memories . 

They are either sweet or bitter but still they fill the same box .

With people .

Parents , family , friends , crush and even strangers .

With our favourite things .

Books , clothes , toys and toothbrush maybe ?

Unconciously , we attach ourselves firmly to every and each of it . 

Thus making it harder for us to let it go .

But now i totally understand the whole concept .

In order to accept new things in life , i have to make some space inside the congested box .

Ready to let go of something . Starting with the things that i will not be needed the most .

The pain .

It somehow occupies the major portion of my box .

The one that gives an extra weight that makes my box extremely heavy .

But fortunately it is now gone . 

Giving me more space for maturity  and leaving only a tiny scratch inside the box as a reminder for me to not let the same pain comes into my box ever again . 

And now , with some space inside my box , i'm ready to move on from the  year of 2013 to the year of 2014 which will unfold itself in a matter of few days .

Sadly , moving on means more goodbye-s.

I have to say goodbye to my high school life . My high school teachers . My high school friends . 

And warmly welcome another new start in my life . 

a totally new surrounding . 

Like entering a new level after completing the previous one in a game .

There will be ..

New experiences . New people .

More challenges . More struggles . 

And of course , more memories occupying the box .

Surprisingly , i'm ready for all of it .

Eager to know what my box will look like in the future .

Better or worse ? 

Hoping for the best of course . 

InsyaAllah Allah will ease everything . 

InsyaAllah .

Even if you don't , i will always be